you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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