So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
