The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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