I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
