Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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