If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
