carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
