I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
COCAINE IS GR8
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
