i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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