it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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