I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
