You made me cry and you don't even care
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
