no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
