How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
