where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
