I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
