I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
