we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
