Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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