you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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