its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
