you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
