When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you traded sex for a burrito?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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