"it" just moved
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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