i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
