Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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