I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
