Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
