how can u be prego again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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