nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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