1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
