spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You had me at "let me see your balls"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
