You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
