i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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