I puked a lego.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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