I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
