I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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