also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
