Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
