I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
