How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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