You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
