I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
