He is such a slut. More and more my type.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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