i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
