I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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