Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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