One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
