I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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