I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
