JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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