I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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