i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
