I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had to cum in my sink.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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