I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
