Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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