Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
