every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
