She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
